Everyone wants to support their loved ones through hard times. With the loss of a baby, it can be difficult to figure out the best way to do this.
Here are some ideas.
Send a card
A card conveying your sympathy for the loss of a pregnancy can be more meaningful than a text or phone call because it takes more care and effort. Don’t forget to address your card to both partners.
Spend time with the couple
Don’t think that you need to stay away! Pay a visit. It is surprising how many people back off from their friends and loved ones in situations such as miscarriage or illness, not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know what to say or how to handle the situation.
If you can’t visit in person, find other ways to stay in touch. Contact them regularly to see how they are feeling. Keep in touch, even if there is no response. They will get back to you when they are ready. Even if they are not ready to see you, they will appreciate that you care.
Send a gift
Maybe you could send a thoughtful gift to help physically brighten their day. Home baked cookies, fancy chocolates, or perhaps some comfy PJs to wear while they are recovering may be good choices.
There are also small gifts you can buy to commemorate the child that has been lost. You could give a tree or flower to plant and grow; or maybe a small, personalized item, or a name a star certificate.
Think about the people involved and what you think they would appreciate so that, where possible, your gift is personal.
A miscarriage is a physical as well as emotional process. Grieving is exhausting. Help them create the space and time to do this. Perhaps you can look after other children for an afternoon or take on a few extra chores or responsibilities to help them out.
A home-cooked meal is always appreciated. This is a great, practical way to be kind. Or perhaps you could assist with simple household tasks such as laundry, vacuuming, or grocery shopping. Make sure they have everything they need to be comfortable.
Suggest going out – at the right time
The intensity of the grief is likely to ebb and flow. Perhaps during less tearful times, you could try and get them out of the house for a change of scenery. It can be beneficial for the couple to take a walk, grab a coffee, or catch a movie.
Being persistent is not the same as pressuring the couple. Suggest that they go out, but let them do it when they are ready.